X-Symantec-TimeoutProtection: 0 Return-Path: X-Original-To: info@ausheart.com.au Delivered-To: info@ausheart.com.au Received: from localhost (marlin.fishinternet.com.au [127.0.0.1]) by marlin.fishinternet.com.au (Postfix) with ESMTP id AC2ABDEB50 for ; Sun, 27 Aug 2006 07:50:10 +1000 (EST) Received: from marlin.fishinternet.com.au ([127.0.0.1]) by localhost (marlin.fishinternet.com.au [127.0.0.1]) (amavisd-new, port 10024) with ESMTP id 27725-09 for ; Sun, 27 Aug 2006 07:49:54 +1000 (EST) Received-SPF: none (marlin.fishinternet.com.au: 203.16.214.203 is neither permitted nor denied by domain of fathersonline.org) client-ip=203.16.214.203; envelope-from=info@fathersonline.org; helo=smtp3.adl2.internode.on.net; Received: from smtp3.adl2.internode.on.net (smtp3.adl2.internode.on.net [203.16.214.203]) by marlin.fishinternet.com.au (Postfix) with ESMTP id 2FEDBDEB5B for ; Sun, 27 Aug 2006 07:49:54 +1000 (EST) Received: from polyglot.com.au (eth2643.nsw.adsl.internode.on.net [150.101.193.82]) by smtp3.adl2.internode.on.net (8.13.6/8.13.5) with ESMTP id k7QLn3Jl018979 for ; Sun, 27 Aug 2006 07:19:47 +0930 (CST) (envelope-from info@fathersonline.org) Received: from server ([192.168.100.14]) by polyglot.com.au with Microsoft SMTPSVC(6.0.3790.1830); Sun, 27 Aug 2006 07:49:54 +1000 Thread-Topic: History of Father's Day Reply-To: Message-ID: <143201c6c959$910e1790$0101a8c0@polyglot.local> thread-index: AcbJWZEJaSTg7gs+R/OmSHAzv0Kp4A== From: To: Subject: History of Father's Day Date: Sun, 27 Aug 2006 07:49:54 +1000 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_1433_01C6C9AD.62BA2790" X-Mailer: Microsoft CDO for Exchange 2000 Content-Class: urn:content-classes:message Importance: normal Priority: normal X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.3790.2757 X-OriginalArrivalTime: 26 Aug 2006 21:49:54.0968 (UTC) FILETIME=[91106180:01C6C959] X-TM-AS-Product-Ver: SMEX-7.2.0.1122-3.6.1039-14652.000 X-TM-AS-Result: No--14.459300-5.000000-31 X-Virus-Scanned: amavisd-new at fishinternet.com.au X-NAS-BWL: Found match for 'info@fathersonline.org' on the allowed list (1867 addresses, 0 domains) X-NAS-Classification: 0 X-NAS-MessageID: 1383 X-NAS-Validation: {FF825B7A-B161-40BD-90F8-3582DAE91A1E} This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_1433_01C6C9AD.62BA2790 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable =20 =20 Unable to read this email? Please click here =20 =20 Issue 209 - 28 th August, 2006 Go to our website Here =20 =20 * Hello Warwick * Grandads * Laughter * Single Dads=20 * All you need is Love * Thought of the Week * Special Feature * News & Info * Dad's Prayer * Help Us Hello Warwick =20 Well, well, well, it's that time of year again. Father's Day is next Sunday, 3rd September here in Australia. We all know that Father's Day is close because of all the adverts for tools coming on our television and filling our mailbox. =20 =20 How did it all start? =20 It actually started with a woman. Sonora Louise Smart Dodd, first conceived the idea of a Father's Day while listening to a Mother's Day sermon. Mother's Day was first celebrated by the ancient Greeks and then again in 17th Century England as Mothering Sunday. In the USA Anne Jarvis revitalised the concept during the American Civil War and it was eventually officially made a holiday in the early 1900s. =20 Sonora Smart Dodd wanted to honour her father, William Smart, who was a veteran of the Civil War, and a very devoted father. When his wife died in childbirth with their sixth child, Mr Smart was left to raise the newborn and his other five children by himself on a rural farm in Spokane, Washington. It was only when Mrs Dodd became an adult that she realised the strength and selflessness her father had shown in raising his children as a single dad. =20 The first Father's Day was celebrated on 19 June, 1910 in Spokane, Washington. In 1924 President Calvin Coolidge supported the idea of a national Father's Day. In 1936 a National Father's Day Committee was formed. In 1966 President Lyndon Johnson signed a presidential proclamation declaring the third Sunday of June, Father's Day. President Nixon followed that up by making Father's Day a permanent national holiday. People in the USA & UK celebrate Father's Day on the third Sunday of June, while in Australia it is held on the first Sunday in September. The concept of Father's Day has spread right across the world to the point where most countries celebrate this time to honour and appreciate fathers. =20 In many cases market forces have taken over Father's Day as just another excuse to sell more socks and undies. I might point out that many men appreciate these presents (how else do they stock up on such essentials?) The challenge before us is to not let the market demean the true spirit of the day itself. Men as fathers make a wonderful contribution to families. I once asked a young girl why she thought fathers were important. Her simple but profound answer was one I'll never forget. "If we didn't have fathers, mothers couldn't have babies'.=20 =20 This brings me to my next point. Fathers and mothers, and the relationship they are able to enjoy and sustain are the key to happy families. Last Wednesday, I had the privilege of attending a round table in Sydney on marriage, hosted by Byron and Francine Pirola from www.celebratelove.com There was representation from Federal Parliament, the media, Relationships Australia and the who's who of the marriage/family movement. Professor Bill Doherty and his wife were major contributors to this exciting time of discussion. Almost everyone agreed that there is a desperate need to encourage marriage as a means to encourage family. In my contribution I mentioned the need for more people like USA's Diane Sollee from www.smartmarriages.com to stand up and be counted in the fight to restore honour to marriage, fatherhood and motherhood for the families of Australia.. =20 Perhaps there is a lesson here for us as men: how important and valuable is the contribution made by the women of the world in supporting us as fathers?=20 =20 Lovework =20 =20 Practice saying, "What a beautiful pair of socks", or "Just what I needed, another pair of undies." =20 Enjoy Father's Day. It's your celebration. Have fun with your family, make it a special day, (leave this newsletter on the desktop for all to read). Don't forget there wouldn't be any fathers without mothers. =20 =20 Yours for more socks Warwick Marsh =20 =20 PS Enquiries are coming in thick and fast from all over Australia regarding the 'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course. Keep them coming!!! Our goal is to make this course available on DVD as we train 'Good to Great' facilitators all over Australia who have a heart for the restoration of fatherhood. =20 =20 We encourage any of our readers who would like to financially help other fathers complete the course. Help us to help other dads through sponsorship. We would also greatly appreciate your financial help to make the course available on DVD. We don't have the money to complete this project, but we are moving ahead in faith, believing that the money will come in as we move forward, trusting in our heavenly Father's goodness. ________________________________________=20 Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is=20 the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in=20 age from 25 years to 13 years. Warwick is a musician,=20 songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he=20 can still laugh at himself. back to top=20 =20 Grandads =20 You don't need to be right all the time. Your child wants a man for a father, not a formula. He wants real parents, real people, capable of making mistakes without moping about it. =20 C.D. Williams =20 back to top=20 =20 Laughter =20 Swear To Tell the Truth =20 Now why am I not surprised with this one.... Below are excerpts from a court reporter: Do You Swear To Tell the Truth, The Whole Truth and Nothing But The Truth? These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts", and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. You have to get this book. ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ______________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ___________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one. ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh.... ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then, it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. =20 back to top=20 =20 Single Dads=20 =20 =20 =20 Death Can Show us the Way By Tony Miller =20 I came home from Cairns to a message left by my 11 year old son on the answering machine. 'Dad, remember Ken Wilson the guy you told me about who died in that car accident on the highway. Well it's the anniversary of the accident on Thursday. You told me to remind you, say a prayer for him dad, I will, love ya dad..........' =20 I didn't expect the message and have to admit I was a little surprised that he remembered. It was a quite a few years ago that I was driving down to the Central Coast from Coffs Harbour to see Ken Ticehurst MP for Dobell. I had an appointment with him to explain what our group was about and to discuss the issue of 5 males suiciding every day in this country. I wanted to enlist his help in combating the tragedy on the Central Coast. I hadn't met Ken before so didn't know quite what to expect. =20 =20 On my way there I was travelling down the highway thinking of the impending meeting when out of nowhere from my left came a car that looked as though it was doing 150kms an hour and ploughed straight into the side of a car travelling directly in front of me. The impact pushed both cars into a rollover and straight down a slight embankment in the middle of the highway. Pieces of metal and plastic went flying everywhere. I was a few seconds behind the car that was hit. I pulled over and rushed down to the car that was hit grabbing my mobile. I got to the first car and the two occupants a male and female were climbing out already. Bloody and bruised at least they were on their feet I thought. 'What the hell, happened?' they mumbled walking in circles in a daze. 'Are you OK, are you OK?' I frantically asked. 'Yes, Yes, I think so' the male said. 'Did you see that?' he said. 'Yes I saw everything, you are lucky to be alive.' I quickly raced over to the car that came tearing out from the side street. There was no movement from the two occupants. The car was a mess, there was smoke billowing from the engine. The driver, a big man I guess in his 60's was unconscious, so was the female occupant who I surmised was probably his wife sitting next to him. I couldn't get the door open it was so badly smashed in. I reached into the driver's window and fumbled looking for the ignition switch, which was pushed down near the floor. I found it and turned the engine off, I was scared it would catch fire and I wouldn't be able to get them out. =20 I got on my mobile and called 000. I stayed next to the car just patting the driver on the shoulder telling him to, 'Hang in there mate, help is on the way'. What seemed like forever, but was probably not, the police arrived. Ambulance and rescue are on the way he told me. Just keep doing what your doing mate, you're doing a good job. 'Should we try and get them out?' I asked. 'No mate, the ambos and rescue will look after that', he said =20 So nervously I stayed there, just reassuring this guy and the lady sitting unconscious next to him that they would be ok. The policeman was walking back and forth making sure the other couple were OK and then coming back to me, 'You're doing a good job mate, just stay with them if you can', he said. I didn't know what to do other than talk to them and utter a few faint prayers to the good Lord asking that He look after them. I felt pretty useless. I kept telling them they would be OK. I was drawn to keep squeezing the old guy's arm, reassuring him. He seemed to be in a worse condition than the woman. I doubted whether they could hear me but something just kept drawing me to repeat myself. =20 Finally the rescue crowd arrived and I was relieved to be ushered back to my car while they took over. The policeman came over and spoke to me while I was rolling a smoke leaning against my car watching the rescue crowd do their work. 'Are you OK?' he asked. 'Yeah sure', I said, not really believing myself. As he was getting the details of what had unfolded I saw them throw a blanket over the driver's body. 'Sh*t, he was breathing a minute ago', I exclaimed to the cop. 'I thought he would make it', I said sadly. 'See it all the time, mate, tragic isn't it?' he replied. 'Are you OK', he asked again. 'Yeah, I'm OK, I said. =20 After taking my details and description of what happened, I left the cop a 'dids' business card and continued on my journey. I got thinking about the poor old guy and I guessed that he was a dad. I started to wonder how his kids were going to take the news. It wasn't long before I had tears rolling down my face and pulled over. I immediately rang my dad, told him what had happened and more importantly told him I loved him. With the thought of 'it could of been my dad', I continued on my journey. =20 A few weeks later I received a call from the guy's son who tearfully tried to thank me for offering assistance to his mum and dad. 'Mum is still in hospital but she will be OK. Dad apparently had a heart attack at the wheel before flying out onto the highway. He was a good man, loved by many, thank you', he said between the tears. =20 =20 The accident happened where the Bullocky Way meets the highway near Taree. I travel the highway often and ever since the accident I always stop there to have a smoke and have a talk to Ken. They put up a white cross on the corner opposite where the accident happened. It has a plaque with his name on it. Often I roll a smoke for him. I don't know if he was a smoker but I leave one stuck in a cable tie that is attached to the cross, just in case. It was on one of these journeys that I had my little boy with me and when he enquired what I was doing I related the above story to him. I was unaware that he noted the date on the cross and hence the phone message . . . I guess Ken's death touched him too . . . I'm proud of my little boy, he has found heart . . .=20 =20 I often ask the good Lord that if there is a space designated for me up there, 'Well do ya reckon you could fit Ken into mine?' I seem to ask the Lord that a lot especially with the tragic cases I see day in day out. I figure the amount of time I have asked him to squeeze someone in, that by the time I get there, and if I do, I will be sleeping outside. Well let's just hope he has got a big place................ =20 Death can show us the way, for when we know and understand completely that our time on this earth is limited, and that we have no way of knowing when it will be over, then we must live each day as if it were the only one we had.......Elisabeth Kubler-Ross 1926 =20 Footnote: I eventually got to my appointment late that same day with Ken Ticehurst MP who took my concerns to Allan Cadman MP and who both raised the issue in Parliament. Ken tells me it was that meeting that got the ball rolling which eventually led to 'Every picture Tells A Story' the report on the inquiry into child custody arrangements in the event of family separation. Dads in Distress dids@nor.com.au www.dadsindistress.asn.au =20 back to top=20 =20 All you need is Love SAVE YOUR ENERGY AND SANITY:=20 JUST STAY FAITHFUL:=20 'JUST WITH YOU' =20 Cristina Odone Sunday August 20, 2006 =20 The Observer (London) =20 Monogamy has much to offer. We should trumpet its benefits far more loudly in sex-education classes and teen magazines. The chastity pledge 'Just say no' has failed to catch on; 'Just with you' should be an easier sell. =20 Syphilis is back. Chlamydia is out of control. Sexually transmitted infections went up 20 per cent between 2000 and 2004. This time, though, the epidemic of venereal diseases is not limited to youngsters raging with their hormones and against authority. =20 Increasingly, their mothers and fathers are victims, too. The number of syphilis cases treated among women aged 45 to 64 is up sixteen-fold since 1996; incidences of gonorrhoea have more than doubled. =20 Who should we blame for this new trend? An urban myth dating back to the Seventies is of middle-class, wife-swapping sessions where men throw their car keys into a bowl and women pick a set at random and go off with the owner. But now, there are swinging singles parties, gaining new popularity among divorcees, with condomless sex as an added thrill. =20 There are few statistics for this kind of carrying on, but we do know that there is a cure for the diseases acquired by those who dabble in such unhealthy promiscuity: monogamy. =20 The serial shagger has long been a favourite in fiction: from Fielding's Tom Jones to Fleming's James Bond, the playboy's lineage is long and entertaining. Even in more feminist times, writers such as Rod Liddle and Nirpal Singh Dhaliwal, or Guy Blews, author of the newly published Marriage and How to Avoid it, tirelessly trot out the line that men are not meant for monogamy. =20 In so doing, they give fidelity a killjoy reputation, portraying it as a recipe for boredom and an excuse for a low libido. According to these men, a faithful husband is bound to develop an unhealthy interest in your daughter's teenage friends or an obsession with internet porn. =20 And yet. Think of Paul McCartney before the debacle with Heather Mills. One of the reasons for his iconic status was his famously monogamous relationship with Linda. A big part of David Cameron's appeal is his radiant uxoriousness, something that once stoked the stardom of the young Tony Blair. =20 Consider Paul Newman, married for more than 40 years to Joanne Woodward, and Patrick Swayze, still married to his childhood sweetheart: these actors seem a lot more appealing than, say, Jeremy Irons with his famously open marriage to Sinead Cusack. =20 Monogamy is, most appealingly, an energy-saving device which prevents you wasting time and effort on hunting new prey, deceiving a partner or curing a broken heart or bruised ego. =20 Preserve trust in this essential area of your life and you can reap tremendous rewards: the 100 per cent devotion of another human being fuels your ambition, supports you in your mission and helps you to overcome obstacles. =20 Monogamy has much to offer. We should trumpet its benefits far more loudly in sex-education classes and teen magazines. The chastity pledge 'Just say no' has failed to catch on; 'Just with you' should be an easier sell. =20 But how are we going to make monogamy a turn-on for grown-ups? Perhaps we should leave that to the researchers charting the rise in blindness, infertility, jaundice and genital warts that accompanies sexually transmitted disease. back to top=20 =20 Thought of the Week =20 =20 By the time a man realises=20 that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong. =20 Charles Wadworth back to top=20 =20 Special Feature =20 Postpartum Depression Hits Dads, Too By Ed Edelson HealthDay News- 7th August 2006 =20 Almost as many new fathers as mothers suffer depression after the birth of a child, a new study shows. About 14 percent of mothers and 10 percent of fathers showed signs of moderate or severe postpartum depression, according to the study, which followed more than 5,000 members of two-parent families. =20 "There have been a few small studies in the last two years showing this, but nothing has been known on a national basis," said study leader James F. Paulson, an assistant professor of paediatrics and psychology and behavioural sciences at the Eastern Virginia Medical School Center for Pediatric Research. =20 The findings are published in the August issue of Pediatrics. =20 New parents who participated in the study filled out questionnaires and were interviewed to determine whether they showed symptoms of depression. Their relationships with their children were determined by questioning such practices as breast-feeding, putting the child to bed on his or her back, and whether the parents read to, played peek-a-boo with or sang to the child =20 "What we found in this study is that basic day-to-day interactions were impaired in fathers, just as they were in mothers," Paulson said. "Also, basic activities were impaired." Paediatricians should make a greater effort to identify postpartum depression in both mothers and fathers, Paulson said. "Paediatricians, in general, may be in the best position to catch depression, but they don't often do it," he said, adding he's now doing a study to look at patterns of screening for postpartum depression. =20 Dr. William Coleman is a professor of paediatrics at the University of North Carolina and chairman of the American Academy of Pediatrics committee on the psychosocial aspects of child and family health. "Physicians do a very poor job asking about or detecting postpartum blues in the mother, and they may not even see the father," he said. "They might detect the mother's feelings, but may not even ask the father." =20 Fathers usually feel elation after a birth, Coleman said, but that feeling of "engrossment" can fade away, depending on family circumstances. That can happen "if the mother is very, very controlling and wants the baby all to herself," Coleman said. "Also, fathers can experience frustration, sexual and emotional, if they forget to remember that the wife is not interested in sex at that time. If the wife is very motherly and maternal, he might feel kind of useless, on the periphery." =20 Depression in a father leads to a well-known pattern of behaviour, Coleman said. "He tends to work longer, to watch sports more, to drink more and be solitary," he said. One problem in detecting postpartum depression in fathers is that paediatricians are not told to inquire about adult issues," Coleman said. "It is a silent game." Yet, it's important to detect postpartum depression in a father for the sake of the child's long-term outlook, Paulson said. "Based on what we know of mothers' postpartum depression, it is associated with health problems later on, not only emotional problems and difficulties adjusting to school but also basic health problems," he said. =20 More information =20 For more on postpartum depression, visit the U.S. National Library of Medicine.Copyright =A9 2006 HealthDay. All rights reserved. back to top=20 =20 News & Info =20 =20 TRAINING COURSES Code WWM 3 =20 Working with Men Accredited Course =20 Wednesday, Thursday, Friday 20,21,22 September & 15,16,17 November 2006 from 9.30am to 4.30pm North Parramatta =20 =20 =20 Code EIT 16 Hey, Dad for Separated Fathers Facilitator Training Wednesday, Thursday 25,26 October 2006 from 9.30am to 4.30pm North Parramatta =20 Code EIT 17 Fathers' Matters Program - Facilitator Training for an Intensive Group Program Monday, Tuesday 4&5 December 2006 from 9.30am to 4.30pm At Macarthur =20 To register: To obtain an application form for this training, call Maureen Micallef at Burnside on 02 9768 6811 or email mmicallef@burnside.org.au or visit the web site www.burnside.org.au and follow the prompts to Resources and Training ________________________________________________________ =20 Good to Great Mentoring Course=20 will be running for 10 weeks from: 7th September 2006 - 16th November 2006 =20 It includes many activities for dads and their families. Cost of the course is $250.00 which includes a course manual and a copy of the book,=20 'Fathering from the Fast Lane'. =20 For more information please contact: Fatherhood Foundation info@fathersonline.org=20 PO Box 440 Wollongong NSW 2520 02 4272 6677 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * The Age (Melbourne)=20 Little custom for new family centres=20 Just one person a day is visiting each of the federal government's much-vaunted new Family Relationship Centres, and only three are phoning in directly for advice.=20 Read more http://www.dadsindistress.asn.au/news511.html =20 _______________________________________________________ =20 Letters =20 Dear Fatherhood Foundation =20 Thanks again for the weekly bulletin, I enjoy and look forward to each edition. =20 I would like to comment on one article.=20 =20 I refer to the sad story of single father John Murtari. Unfortunately, because there is a communication breakdown in almost all such cases there can only be one side represented, often the most important person in the tragedy, the child, ignored as well. =20 I am not commenting without experience, having had frustrating dealings with child support agencies. The frustrations are compounded when the man feels that he is unfairly assessed, that he has no control over the money paid, sees no value for the money he pays, and receives a rough deal regarding his access rights. =20 However the John Murtari article is a series of injustices directed to the father. A brief note about the breakdown in the relationship with his son is the only consideration of the boy. =20 No doubt there are injustices in this case, but each party must fulfil their legal and ethical obligations. For whatever reason John Murtari is paying child support of $50 per month. How does he expect, for a start, any appeal process to take him seriously, and how does he expect the boy's mother to care for him on $50 per month. How does he expect the boy's mother to support a healthy father / son relationship when all financial help from him is done reluctantly, and via the legal process. =20 I am sure John thinks he is a good father. However it is not difficult to imagine the mother, financially destitute, on hunger strike, in protest at a system that delivers her $50 per month. I think it's quite probable that the boy knows that his dad is in gaol for refusing to support him, not a good state for protecting a relationship. =20 =20 I urge fathers in a family breakdown situation to accept that the parent giving day-to-day care for the child is entitled to financial support. This acceptance is not a belief that the non-custodian is able to allocate funds as he or she sees fit. In John Murtari's case it is simply not his decision to allocate financial support payments, as he sees fit, toward covering travelling costs. =20 Sadly, it seems commonplace for fathers to spend lavishly on their children during access visits, while the mother struggles every day because of limited support. =20 It also seems common that child support and access to children are somehow intimately related, the reward for payment is access and vice versa. They are not, both parents have rights and responsibilities that are not in any way tradeable. =20 Peter Ferguson =20 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *=20 Dear Fatherhood Foundation =20 Mike McManus-excellent article The Need for Shared Parenting, FF Newsletter, 21 Aug 2006, once again highlights the systemic abuse of good fathers by the Family Law system. =20 The treatment that prisoner John Murtari is receiving is nothing short of disgraceful. I wonder how many readers are appalled by John Murtari's mistreatment in the land that holds that all men are -endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness! =20 Several hundred thousand good men in Australia, including myself, have suffered similar abuse by the Family Law system while good men and women looked on and did nothing. There were no rallies or marches with politicians across the Harbour Bridge to support us. Neither were there prayer vigils or mass demonstrations around the country. =20 We were cowered and beaten. No one cared except for our fellow victims and our mothers if we had one. Legislators, human rights lawyers and churchmen ignored us. We didn't fit the required stereotype.=20 =20 Human rights abuses of good fathers continue. We don't choose to be access fathers. All we ask is to be allowed to share the responsibility of raising our children without going to court and without having to fork out money we don't have to unscrupulous lawyers. =20 =20 And we want is to share the responsibility equally of supporting our children. Where unequal parenting time cannot be avoided we want the parents to negotiate a financial agreement. Get rid of the CSA. Get rid of the Parkinson formula. It is pathetic. A good starting point is half the cost of consumables, including food, energy, childcare, clothing and school expenses actually incurred by the higher resident parent for the extra days.=20 =20 I will present this formula and debate it with anyone, anywhere. =20 Yours sincerely Ian Windsor iwparalegal@optusnet.com.au=20 http://www.windsorparalegal.com.au/=20 =20 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *=20 Dear Fatherhood Foundation =20 Have been following the good work you've been doing via the Fatherhood Foundation newsletter. Congratulations on securing DGR status with the ATO.=20 =20 I can identify with this week's cited article on single fathers from the US. It is difficult when you have the system against you. =20 =20 Despite the latest legislative changes family court judges can still fall on the old line of children's interests as a defence when granting majority of time with the mother. In my case, I have much evidence of alienation to present before the court, but fear that it will not be of sufficient weight to ensure that we have a shared parenting regime. Our court expert report failed to dig below the surface but simply stated interview comments from the parents and children. The question as to why certain attitudes are present was not properly explored. =20 It could be a bit like the John Howard and Peter Costello squabble. Few doubt that Costello was correct, but with pragmatism and public profile being the leading determinant, Costello faced little prospect of advancing his leadership credentials. Thankfully, we can have two parents engaging in shared parenting, but when the ex spouse does everything possible to sabotage this it can be difficult to have the court overlook the entrenched benefit and focus on the benefits. =20 I am expecting a Call over in the next month, and hopefully will have a trial by Christmas. Regardless of the outcome, at least my children will know in future years that I have explored all avenues to try and ensure that they can experience growing up with Mum and Dad. =20 Anyway, I am but one, though no less important, statistic in the annals of the Family Court. The work you are engaged in to encourage, challenge, prevent, rescue, men in marriage, single parenting, and fatherhood is a much needed one in Australia. Your vision is grand, but the labourers and resources are few. =20 (Name withheld) =20 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * =20 Dear Fatherhood Foundation =20 The SA Govt has defunded the Men's Information and Support Centre [MISC]. To cover its costs, for the past year, the agency received funds from several Depts, to a total of $27,000. The SA Govt claims MISC failed to provide certain services, and also failed to fully account for funds provided, in previous years. What exactly was done or not done, by previous management of MISC may emerge over time. What is certain, is that the present manager of MISC, works at least 60 hours a week for no renumeration! That is not the issue I wish to address. =20 It was the claim by government, of the other services on offer to men, that is a cause for grave concern. Men's Line Australia, was mentioned, this is an admirable and necessary service, the trouble is, it's a voice on the end of a phone, where does a man go to see a friendly and understanding face?=20 =20 Even more concerning was the suggestion that they use Relationships Australia, whatever it's past merits may have been, it is an organisation that has lost the trust of many men. Whatever the truth may be, it is perceived by a growing number of men to now be heavily feminised, as such it has limited value to them. =20 To have any hope of assisting a person, one must first be able to effectively communicate with them, this requires that they trust you. This was where MISC provided such a valuable service. =20 The real problem faced by the Govt of SA is a financial one, the state budget was deferred until September. One suspects the Govts problem was caused by the hiring of thousands of additional public servants {some no doubt actually needed}, this would have greatly increased the wages bill, no doubt other community service agencies have, or will suffer funding cutoffs or restrictions=20 =20 In times of financial stringency, traditionally the areas first marked for Govt cuts, are what they view as "soft spending", read community grants as one example. With men dying 5 years earlier than women, and with them suiciding at over 4 times the rate of women, these cuts send a clear message, as to the value, the SA Govt accords to men, those guys who pay the largest proportion of its tax receipts! In short, it seems that men are a soft spending optional extra . =20 An idea of the states priority, may be gained by comparing, the resources it provides to women. There are at least 10 Govt full time positions, allocated to women's services within the public service, there appears to be one half time position allocated for men. On the monetary front at least 1 million dollars was allocated to women's services, compare that to MISCs funding. I think the govt is unlikely to change its decision now, too much loss of political face, as it has publicly put its position re MISC. =20 In light of the lamentable lack of appropriate services for men in crisis, it does the govt no credit to ignore the issues that some men face. It is still within the power of the govt to address the issue, an appropriate, and I stress that word, service needs to be funded, and to an amount greatly in excess of what had been allocated to MISC. =20 The Pallbearer.=20 back to top=20 =20 Dad's Prayer =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 Dear God =20 The Chinese have a saying: 'To understand your parents' love you must raise children yourself.' =20 Help me appreciate my own parents=20 this Father's Day, so that when my children appreciate me I understand that I am only passing on what I have been given. =20 back to top=20 =20 Help Us Click here for more information about us =20 Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity.=20 Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm.=20 The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund=20 (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558=20 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 440 WOLLONGONG NSW 2520 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receive future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below or send an email to info@fathersonline.org with the word UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject heading. back to top=20 Click Here to Unsubscribe =20 ------=_NextPart_000_1433_01C6C9AD.62BA2790 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit Fatherhood Foundation
Unable to read this email? Please click here
Issue 209 - 28 th August, 2006 Go to our website Here


Hello Warwick

Well, well, well, it's that time of year again.  Father's Day is next Sunday, 3rd September here in Australia.  We all know that Father's Day is close because of all the adverts for tools coming on our television and filling our mailbox. 

 

How did it all start?

 

It actually started with a woman.  Sonora Louise Smart Dodd, first conceived the idea of a Father's Day while listening to a Mother's Day sermon.  Mother's Day was first celebrated by the ancient Greeks and then again in 17th Century England as Mothering Sunday.  In the USA Anne Jarvis revitalised the concept during the American Civil War and it was eventually officially made a holiday in the early 1900s.

 

Sonora Smart Dodd wanted to honour her father, William Smart, who was a veteran of the Civil War, and a very devoted father.  When his wife died in childbirth with their sixth child, Mr Smart was left to raise the newborn and his other five children by himself on a rural farm in Spokane, Washington.  It was only when Mrs Dodd became an adult that she realised the strength and selflessness her father had shown in raising his children as a single dad.

 

The first Father's Day was celebrated on 19 June, 1910 in Spokane, Washington.  In 1924 President Calvin Coolidge supported the idea of a national Father's Day.  In 1936 a National Father's Day Committee was formed.  In 1966 President Lyndon Johnson signed a presidential proclamation declaring the third Sunday of June, Father's Day.  President Nixon followed that up by making Father's Day a permanent national holiday.  People in the USA & UK celebrate Father's Day! on the third Sunday of June, while in Australia it is held on the first Sunday in September.  The concept of Father's Day has spread right across the world to the point where most countries celebrate this time to honour and appreciate fathers.

 

In many cases market forces have taken over Father's Day as just another excuse to sell more socks and undies.  I might point out that many men appreciate these presents (how else do they stock up on such essentials?)  The challenge before us is to not let the market demean the true spirit of the day itself.  Men as fathers make a wonderful contribution to families.  I once asked a young girl why she thought fathers were important.  Her simple but profound answer was one I'll never forget.  "If we didn't have fathers, mothers couldn't have babies'.

 

This brings me to my next point.  Fathers and mothers, and the relationship they are able to enjoy and sustain are the key to happy families.  Last Wednesday, I had the privilege of attending a round table in Sydney on marriage, hosted by Byron and Francine Pirola from www.celebratelove.com  There was representation from Federal Parliament, the media, Relationships Australia and the who's who of the marriage/family movement.  Professor Bill Doherty and his wife were major contributors to this exciting time of discussion.  Almost everyone agreed that there is a desperate need to encourage marriage as a means to encourage family.&nbs! p; In my contribution I mentioned the need for more people like USA's Diane Sollee from www.smartmarriages.com  to stand up and be counted in the fight to restore honour to marriage, fatherhood and motherhood for the families of Australia..

 

Perhaps there is a lesson here for us as men: how important and valuable is the contribution made by the women of the world in supporting us as fathers?

 

Lovework

 

Practice saying, "What a beautiful pair of socks", or "Just what I needed, another pair of undies."

 

Enjoy Father's Day.  It's your celebration.  Have fun with your family, make it a special day, (leave this newsletter on the desktop for all to read).  Don't forget there wouldn't be any fathers without mothers.

 

 

Yours for more socks

Warwick Marsh

 

PS Enquiries are coming in thick and fast from all over Australia regarding the 'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course.  Keep them coming!!! Our goal is to make this course available on DVD as we train 'Good to Great' facilitators all over Australia who have a heart for the restoration of fatherhood. 

 

We encourage any of our readers who would like to financially help other fathers complete the course.  Help us to help other dads through sponsorship.  We would also greatly appreciate your financial help to make the course available on DVD.  We don't have the money to complete this project, but we are moving ahead in faith, believing that the money will come in as we move forward, trusting in our heavenly Father's goodness.

 ________________________________________

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is
the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in
age from 25 years to 13 years.  Warwick is a musician,
songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he
can still laugh at himself.

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Grandads

You don't need to be right all the time.

Your child wants a man for a father, not a formula.

He wants real parents, real people,

capable of making mistakes

without moping about it.

 

C.D. Williams

 

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Laughter

 

Swear To Tell the Truth

Now why am I not surprised with this one....

Below are excerpts from a court reporter: Do You Swear To Tell the Truth, The Whole Truth and Nothing But The Truth?

These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts", and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.  You have to get this book.

 ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
 WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________

 ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
 WITNESS: July 18th.
 ATTORNEY: What year?
 WITNESS: Every year.
__! ___________________________________

  ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at  all?
 WITNESS: Yes.
 ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
 WITNESS: I forget.
 ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
____________________________________

 ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
 WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
 ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
 WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

 ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
 WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
 ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
 WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
 WITNESS: We both do.
 ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
 WITNESS: We do.
 ATTORNEY: You do?
 WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a pers! on dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
 WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________

 ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
 WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________

  ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
 WITNESS: Yes.
 ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
 WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
 WITNESS: Yes.
 ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
 WITNESS: None.
 ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

_____________________________________

 ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
 WITNESS: By death.
 ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it ! terminated?
______________________________________
 ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
 WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
 ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
 WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
 WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
 WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
 ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
 WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was  doing an autopsy on him!
_________________! _____________________

 ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
 WITNESS: No.
 ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
 WITNESS: No.
 ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
 WITNESS: No.
 ATTORNEY: So, then, it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
 WITNESS: No.
 ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
 WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
 ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
 WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

 

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Single Dads

 

 

 

Death Can Show us the Way

By Tony Miller

 

I came home from Cairns to a message left by my 11 year old son on the answering machine. 'Dad, remember Ken Wilson the guy you told me about who died in that car accident on the highway. Well it's the anniversary of the accident on Thursday. You told me to remind you, say a prayer for him dad, I will, love ya dad..........'

               

I didn't expect the message and have to admit I was a little surprised that he remembered. It was a quite a few years ago that I was driving down to the Central Coast from Coffs Harbour to see Ken Ticehurst MP for Dobell. I had an appointment with him to explain what our group was about and to discuss the issue of 5 males suiciding every day in this country. I wanted to enlist his help in combating the tragedy on the Central Coast. I hadn't met Ken before so didn't know quite what to expect.

               

On my way there I was travelling down the highway thinking of the impending meeting when out of nowhere from my left came a car that looked as though it was doing 150kms an hour and ploughed straight into the side of a car travelling directly in front of me. The impact pushed both cars into a rollover and straight down a slight embankment in the middle of the highway. Pieces of metal and plastic went flying everywhere. I was a few seconds behind the car that was hit. I pulled over and rushed down to the car that was hit grabbing my mobile. I got to the first car and the two occupants a male and female were climbing out already. Bloody and bruised at least they were on their feet I thought. 'What the hell, happened?' they mumbled walking in circles in a daze. 'Are you OK, are you OK?' I frantically asked. 'Yes, Yes, I think so' the male said. 'Did you see that?' he said. 'Yes I s! aw everything, you are lucky to be alive.' I quickly raced over to the car that came tearing out from the side street. There was no movement from the two occupants. The car was a mess, there was smoke billowing from the engine. The driver, a big man I guess in his 60's was unconscious, so was the female occupant who I surmised was probably his wife sitting next to him. I couldn't get the door open it was so badly smashed in. I reached into the driver's window and fumbled looking for the ignition switch, which was pushed down near the floor. I found it and turned the engine off, I was scared it would catch fire and I wouldn't be able to get them out.

             

I got on my mobile and called 000.  I stayed next to the car just patting the driver on the shoulder telling him to, 'Hang in there mate, help is on the way'.

What seemed like forever, but was probably not, the police arrived. Ambulance and rescue are on the way he told me. Just keep doing what your doing mate, you're doing a good job. 'Should we try and get them out?' I asked. 'No mate, the ambos and rescue will look after that', he said

            

So nervously I stayed there, just reassuring this guy and the lady sitting unconscious next to him that they would be ok. The policeman was walking back and forth making sure the other couple were OK and then coming back to me, 'You're doing a good job mate, just stay with them if you can', he said. I didn't know what to do other than talk to them and utter a few faint prayers to the good Lord asking that He look after them. I felt pretty useless. I kept telling them they would be OK. I was drawn to keep squeezing the old guy's arm, reassuring him. He seemed to be in a worse condition than the woman. I doubted whether they could hear me but something just kept drawing me to repeat myself.

           

Finally the rescue crowd arrived and I was relieved to be ushered back to my car while they took over. The policeman came over and spoke to me while I was rolling a smoke leaning against my car watching the rescue crowd do their work. 'Are you OK?' he asked. 'Yeah sure', I said, not really believing myself. As he was getting the details of what had unfolded I saw them throw a blanket over the driver's body. 'Sh*t, he was breathing a minute ago', I exclaimed to the cop. 'I thought he would make it', I said sadly. 'See it all the time, mate, tragic isn't it?' he replied. 'Are you OK', he asked again. 'Yeah, I'm OK, I said.

          

After taking my details and description of what happened, I left the cop a 'dids' business card and continued on my journey. I got thinking about the poor old guy and I guessed that he was a dad. I started to wonder how his kids were going to take the news. It wasn't long before I had tears rolling down my face and pulled over. I immediately rang my dad, told him what had happened and more importantly told him I loved him. With the thought of 'it could of been my dad', I continued on my journey.

         

A few weeks later I received a call from the guy's son who tearfully tried to thank me for offering assistance to his mum and dad. 'Mum is still in hospital but she will be OK. Dad apparently had a heart attack at the wheel before flying out onto the highway. He was a good man, loved by many, thank you', he said between the tears.

        

The accident happened where the Bullocky Way meets the highway near Taree. I travel the highway often and ever since the accident I always stop there to have a smoke and have a talk to Ken. They put up a white cross on the corner opposite where the accident happened. It has a plaque with his name on it. Often I roll a smoke for him. I don't know if he was a smoker but I leave one stuck in a cable tie that is attached to the cross, just in case. It was on one of these journeys that I had my little boy with me and when he enquired what I was doing I related the above story to him. I was unaware that he noted the date on the cross and hence the phone message . . .  ! I guess Ken's death touched him too . . .  I'm proud of my little boy, he has found heart . . .

       

I often ask the good Lord that if there is a space designated for me up there, 'Well do ya reckon you could fit Ken into mine?' I seem to ask the Lord that a lot especially with the tragic cases I see day in day out. I figure the amount of time I have asked him to squeeze someone in, that by the time I get there, and if I do, I will be sleeping outside. Well let's just hope he has got a big place................

 

Death can show us the way, for when we know and understand completely that our time on this earth is limited, and that we have no way of knowing when it will be over, then we must live each day as if it were the only one we had.......Elisabeth Kubler-Ross 1926

 

Footnote: I eventually got to my appointment late that same day with Ken Ticehurst MP who took my concerns to Allan Cadman MP and who both raised the issue in Parliament. Ken tells me it was that meeting that got the ball rolling which eventually led to 'Every picture Tells A Story' the report on the inquiry into child custody arrangements in the event of family separation.                                                                

                                                                                                                

Dads in Distress

dids@nor.com.au

www.dadsindistress.asn.au

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All you need is Love

SAVE YOUR ENERGY AND SANITY:

JUST STAY FAITHFUL:

'JUST WITH YOU'

    

Cristina Odone

Sunday August 20, 2006

The Observer (London)

 

Monogamy has much to offer. We should trumpet its benefits far more loudly in sex-education classes and teen magazines. The chastity pledge 'Just say no' has failed to catch on; 'Just with you' should be an easier sell.

 

Syphilis is back. Chlamydia is out of control. Sexually transmitted infections went up 20 per cent between 2000 and 2004. This time, though, the epidemic of venereal diseases is not limited to youngsters raging with their hormones and against authority.

 

Increasingly, their mothers and fathers are victims, too. The number of syphilis cases treated among women aged 45 to 64 is up sixteen-fold since 1996; incidences of gonorrhoea have more than doubled.

 

Who should we blame for this new trend? An urban myth dating back to the Seventies is of middle-class, wife-swapping sessions where men throw their car keys into a bowl and women pick a set at random and go off with the owner. But now, there are swinging singles parties, gaining new popularity among divorcees, with condomless sex as an added thrill.

 

There are few statistics for this kind of carrying on, but we do know that there is a cure for the diseases acquired by those who dabble in such unhealthy promiscuity: monogamy.

 

The serial shagger has long been a favourite in fiction: from Fielding's Tom Jones to Fleming's James Bond, the playboy's lineage is long and entertaining. Even in more feminist times, writers such as Rod Liddle and Nirpal Singh Dhaliwal, or Guy Blews, author of the newly published Marriage and How to Avoid it, tirelessly trot out the line that men are not meant for monogamy.

 

In so doing, they give fidelity a killjoy reputation, portraying it as a recipe for boredom and an excuse for a low libido. According to these men, a faithful husband is bound to develop an unhealthy interest in your daughter's teenage friends or an obsession with internet porn.

 

And yet. Think of Paul McCartney before the debacle with Heather Mills. One of the reasons for his iconic status was his famously monogamous relationship with Linda. A big part of David Cameron's appeal is his radiant uxoriousness, something that once stoked the stardom of the young Tony Blair.

 

Consider Paul Newman, married for more than 40 years to Joanne Woodward, and Patrick Swayze, still married to his childhood sweetheart: these actors seem a lot more appealing than, say, Jeremy Irons with his famously open marriage to Sinead Cusack.

 

Monogamy is, most appealingly, an energy-saving device which prevents you wasting time and effort on hunting new prey, deceiving a partner or curing a broken heart or bruised ego.

 

Preserve trust in this essential area of your life and you can reap tremendous rewards: the 100 per cent devotion of another human being fuels your ambition, supports you in your mission and helps you to overcome obstacles.

 

Monogamy has much to offer. We should trumpet its benefits far more loudly in sex-education classes and teen magazines. The chastity pledge 'Just say no' has failed to catch on; 'Just with you' should be an easier sell.

 

But how are we going to make monogamy a turn-on for grown-ups? Perhaps we should leave that to the researchers charting the rise in blindness, infertility, jaundice and genital warts that accompanies sexually transmitted disease.

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Thought of the Week

By the time a man realises

that maybe his father was right,

he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.

 

Charles Wadworth

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Special Feature


Postpartum Depression Hits Dads, Too

By Ed Edelson

HealthDay News- 7th August 2006

 

Almost as many new fathers as mothers suffer depression after the birth of a child, a new study shows. About 14 percent of mothers and 10 percent of fathers showed signs of moderate or severe postpartum depression, according to the study, which followed more than 5,000 members of two-parent families.

 

"There have been a few small studies in the last two years showing this, but nothing has been known on a national basis," said study leader James F. Paulson, an assistant professor of paediatrics and psychology and behavioural sciences at the Eastern Virginia Medical School Center for Pediatric Research.

 

The findings are published in the August issue of Pediatrics.

 

New parents who participated in the study filled out questionnaires and were interviewed to determine whether they showed symptoms of depression. Their relationships with their children were determined by questioning such practices as breast-feeding, putting the child to bed on his or her back, and whether the parents read to, played peek-a-boo with or sang to the child

 

"What we found in this study is that basic day-to-day interactions were impaired in fathers, just as they were in mothers," Paulson said. "Also, basic activities were impaired." Paediatricians should make a greater effort to identify postpartum depression in both mothers and fathers, Paulson said. "Paediatricians, in general, may be in the best position to catch depression, but they don't often do it," he said, adding he's now doing a study to look at patterns of screening for postpartum depression.

 

Dr. William Coleman is a professor of paediatrics at the University of North Carolina and chairman of the American Academy of Pediatrics committee on the psychosocial aspects of child and family health. "Physicians do a very poor job asking about or detecting postpartum blues in the mother, and they may not even see the father," he said. "They might detect the mother's feelings, but may not even ask the father."

 

Fathers usually feel elation after a birth, Coleman said, but that feeling of "engrossment" can fade away, depending on family circumstances. That can happen "if the mother is very, very controlling and wants the baby all to herself," Coleman said. "Also, fathers can experience frustration, sexual and emotional, if they forget to remember that the wife is not interested in sex at that time. If the wife is very motherly and maternal, he might feel kind of useless, on the periphery."

 

Depression in a father leads to a well-known pattern of behaviour, Coleman said. "He tends to work longer, to watch sports more, to drink more and be solitary," he said. One problem in detecting postpartum depression in fathers is that paediatricians are not told to inquire about adult issues," Coleman said. "It is a silent game." Yet, it's important to detect postpartum depression in a father for the sake of the child's long-term outlook, Paulson said. "Based on what we know of mothers' postpartum depression, it is associated with health problems later on, not only emotional problems and difficulties adjusting to school but also basic health problems," he said.

 

More information

 

For more on postpartum depression, visit the U.S. National Library of

Medicine.Copyright © 2006 HealthDay. All rights reserved.

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News & Info

 TRAINING COURSES

Code  WWM 3

 

 Working with Men Accredited Course

 

 Wednesday, Thursday, Friday 20,21,22 September & 15,16,17 November 2006 from 9.30am to 4.30pm

          North Parramatta

 

 

 

Code  EIT 16

Hey, Dad for Separated Fathers Facilitator Training

Wednesday, Thursday 25,26 October 2006 from 9.30am to 4.30pm

North Parramatta

 

Code  EIT 17

Fathers' Matters Program - Facilitator Training for an Intensive  Group Program

Monday, Tuesday 4&5 December 2006 from 9.30am to 4.30pm

At Macarthur

  

To register:    To obtain an application form for this training, call Maureen Micallef at Burnside on 02 9768 6811 or email mmicallef@burnside.org.au  or visit the web site www.burnside.org.au  and follow the prompts to Resources and Training

________________________________________________________

 

Good to Great Mentoring Course

will be running for 10 weeks from:

7th September 2006 - 16th November 2006

 

It includes many activities for dads and their families.

Cost of the course is $250.00 which includes a course manual and a copy of the book,

'Fathering from the Fast Lane'.

 

For more information please contact:

Fatherhood Foundation

info@fathersonline.org

PO Box 440

Wollongong  NSW  2520

02 4272 6677

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The Age (Melbourne)
Little custom for new family centres
Just one person a day is visiting each of the federal government's much-vaunted new Family Relationship Centres, and only three are phoning in directly for advice.
Read more
http://www.dadsindistress.asn.au/news511.html

_______________________________________________________

 

Letters

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

Thanks again for the weekly bulletin, I enjoy and look forward to each edition.

 

I would like to comment on one article.

 

I refer to the sad story of single father John Murtari. Unfortunately, because there is a communication breakdown in almost all such cases there can only be one side represented, often the most important person in the tragedy, the child, ignored as well.

 

I am not commenting without experience, having had frustrating dealings with child support agencies. The frustrations are compounded when the man feels that he is unfairly assessed, that he has no control over the money paid, sees no value for the money he pays, and  receives a rough deal regarding his access rights.

 

However the John Murtari article is a series of injustices directed to the father.  A brief note about the breakdown in the relationship with his son is the only consideration of the boy.

 

No doubt there are injustices in this case, but each party must fulfil their legal and ethical obligations. For whatever reason John Murtari is paying child support of $50 per month. How does he expect, for a start, any appeal process to take him seriously, and how does he expect the boy's mother to care for him on $50 per month. How does he expect the boy's mother to support a healthy father / son relationship when all financial help from him is done reluctantly, and via the legal process.

 

I am sure John thinks he is a good father. However it is not difficult to imagine the mother, financially destitute, on hunger strike, in protest at a system that delivers her $50 per month. I think it's quite probable that the boy knows that his dad is in gaol for refusing to support him, not a good state for protecting a relationship. 

 

I urge fathers in a family breakdown situation to accept that the parent giving day-to-day care for the child is entitled to financial support. This acceptance is not a belief that the non-custodian is able to allocate funds as he or she sees fit. In John Murtari's case it is simply not his decision to allocate financial support payments, as he sees fit, toward covering travelling costs.

 

Sadly, it seems commonplace for fathers to spend lavishly on their children during access visits, while the mother struggles every day because of limited support.

 

It also seems common that child support and access to children are somehow intimately related, the reward for payment is access and vice versa. They are not, both parents have rights and responsibilities that are not in any way tradeable.

 

Peter Ferguson

 

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Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

Mike McManus-excellent article The Need for Shared Parenting, FF Newsletter, 21 Aug 2006, once again highlights the systemic abuse of good fathers by the Family Law system.

 

The treatment that prisoner John Murtari is receiving is nothing short of disgraceful. I wonder how many readers are appalled by John Murtari's mistreatment in the land that holds that all men are -endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness!

 

Several hundred thousand good men in Australia, including myself, have suffered similar abuse by the Family Law system while good men and women looked on and did nothing. There were no rallies or marches with politicians across the Harbour Bridge to support us. Neither were there prayer vigils or mass demonstrations around the country.

 

We were cowered and beaten. No one cared except for our fellow victims and our mothers if we had one. Legislators, human rights lawyers and churchmen ignored us. We didn't fit the required stereotype.

 

Human rights abuses of good fathers continue. We don't choose to be access fathers. All we ask is to be allowed to share the responsibility of raising our children without going to court and without having to fork out money we don't have to unscrupulous lawyers. 

 

And we want is to share the responsibility equally of supporting our children. Where unequal parenting time cannot be avoided we want the parents to negotiate a financial agreement.  Get rid of the CSA. Get rid of the Parkinson formula. It is pathetic. A good starting point is half the cost of consumables, including food, energy, childcare, clothing and school expenses actually incurred by the higher resident parent for the extra days.

 

I will present this formula and debate it with anyone, anywhere.

 

Yours sincerely

Ian Windsor

iwparalegal@optusnet.com.au

http://www.windsorparalegal.com.au/

 

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Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

Have been following the good work you've been doing via the Fatherhood Foundation newsletter.

Congratulations on securing DGR status with the ATO.

 

I can identify with this week's cited article on single fathers from the US.  It is difficult when you have the system against you. 

 

Despite the latest legislative changes family court judges can still fall on the old line of children's interests as a defence when granting majority of time with the mother.  In my case, I have much evidence of alienation to present before the court, but fear that it will not be of sufficient weight to ensure that we have a shared parenting regime.  Our court expert report failed to dig below the surface but simply stated interview comments from the parents and children.  The question as to why certain attitudes are present was not properly explored.

 

It could be a bit like the John Howard and Peter Costello squabble.  Few doubt that Costello was correct, but with pragmatism and public profile being the leading determinant, Costello faced little prospect of advancing his leadership credentials.  Thankfully, we can have two parents engaging in shared parenting, but when the ex spouse does everything possible to sabotage this it can be difficult to have the court overlook the entrenched benefit and focus on the benefits.

 

I am expecting a Call over in the next month, and hopefully will have a trial by Christmas.  Regardless of the outcome, at least my children will know in future years that I have explored all avenues to try and ensure that they can experience growing up with Mum and Dad.

 

Anyway, I am but one, though no less important, statistic in the annals of the Family Court.  The work you are engaged in to encourage, challenge, prevent, rescue, men in marriage, single parenting, and fatherhood is a much needed one in Australia.  Your vision is grand, but the labourers and resources are few.

 

(Name withheld)

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

The SA Govt has defunded the Men's Information and Support Centre [MISC]. To cover its costs, for the past year, the agency received funds from several Depts, to a total of $27,000. The SA Govt claims MISC failed to provide certain services, and also failed to fully account for funds provided, in previous years. What exactly was done or not done, by previous management of MISC may emerge over time. What is certain, is that the present manager of MISC, works at least 60 hours a week for no renumeration! That is not the issue I wish to address.

   

It was the claim by government, of the other services on offer to men, that is a cause for grave concern. Men's Line Australia, was mentioned, this is an admirable and necessary service, the trouble is, it's a voice on the end of a phone, where does a man go to see a friendly and understanding face?

   

Even more concerning was the suggestion that they use Relationships Australia, whatever it's past merits may have been, it is an organisation that has lost the trust of many men. Whatever the truth may be, it is perceived by a growing number of men to now be heavily feminised, as such it has limited  value to them.

   

To have any hope of assisting a person, one must first be able to effectively communicate with them, this requires that they trust you. This was where MISC provided such a valuable service.

   

The real problem faced by the Govt of SA is a financial one, the state budget was deferred until September. One suspects the Govts problem was caused by the hiring of thousands of additional public servants {some no doubt actually needed}, this would have greatly increased the wages bill, no doubt other community service agencies have, or will suffer funding cutoffs or restrictions

   

In times of financial stringency, traditionally the areas first marked for Govt cuts, are what they view as "soft spending", read community grants as one example. With men dying 5 years earlier than women, and with them suiciding at over 4 times the rate of women, these cuts send a clear message, as to the value, the SA Govt accords to men, those guys who pay the largest proportion of its tax receipts! In short, it seems that men are a soft spending optional extra .

   

An idea of the states priority, may be gained by comparing, the resources it provides to women. There are at least 10 Govt full time positions, allocated to women's services within the public service, there appears to be one half time position allocated for men. On the monetary front at least 1 million dollars was allocated to women's services, compare that to MISCs funding. I think the govt is unlikely to change its decision now, too much loss of political face, as it has publicly put its position re MISC.

   

In light of the lamentable lack of appropriate services for men in crisis, it does the govt no credit to ignore the issues that some men face. It is still within the power of the govt to address the issue, an appropriate, and I stress that word, service needs to be funded, and to an amount greatly in excess of what had been allocated to MISC.

 

The Pallbearer. 

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Dad's Prayer

 

 

 

Dear God

 

The Chinese have a saying:

'To understand your parents' love

you must raise children yourself.'

 

Help me appreciate my own parents

this Father's Day,

so that when my children appreciate me

I understand that I am only passing on

what I have been given.

 

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The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity.
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a   source of harm.

The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother.

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